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disgruntled houghton affiliates
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Date:2008-12-16 02:03

Probably almost anyone who spends or has spent time at Lattice Bridge has met Trevor, who owns the house down the road. He has that crazy dog with a death wish who loves to chase our cars. So one time, there were a bunch of us down at the bridge and we were playing music pretty loud, and Trevor's wife came down and yelled at us, saying that she had a four-year-old who was trying to sleep and she was about to call the cops on us. I'm just wondering whether anyone else in this group has gotten into trouble down there or whether anyone knows whether she might have followed through on her threat. We didn't stick around to find out.

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Date:2007-11-22 00:33

To the Institution,

    I call myself a Christian. I have called myself a Christian since February of my first year in high school. That's who I was for four years. I had no problems being described by adults as: modest, well-behaved, polite, responsible, mature, dedicated.

    For four years that's who I was. The youth leader. The friend every parent liked. The girl every mother wanted their son to date, but no boys cared for. I was the friend, the listener, the maternal one. It's hard not to become lost in an image so consuming, but I embraced it. I was one of the few teens who had found her niche. I ran with it. I knew exactly who I was. God had placed me where I needed to be and I was making a difference. One day at a time, I was saving the world I knew it.

    Then you happened INSTITUTION. Who do you think you are?

    Everyday I wake up and I am faced with a billboard that screams, YOU THINK YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON! LET US SHOW YOU HOW WRONG YOU ARE! What I thought was going to be a place of rest and growth turned into the biggest spiritual battle yet. Where could my niche be here, where every person was the same as me only bigger and stronger and best of all- conservative.

    Because the difference between me and you: I came from somewhere. How can a butterfly (which came from a caterpillar) compete with a butterfly that has always been a butterfly. Sure, my past isn't as shining as my present, but do I get no points for cleaning up my mess?

    I am proud of the decisions I have made. I've climbed out of my cocoon, and all your have done is pretend it doesn't exist. Or, if on that day your acknowledging that it does exist, than you feel so terrible for the people who need to climb out. While I KNOW if you had one of them flying free with you, all you could do is judge them for where they had been.

    So that is what I have to say to you INSTITUTION. But just like I have made decisions before, I will make the decision to use this to further me. You can tell me I'm wrong, but I can tell me I'm right. I don't know where I'm going, but I know where I've been. The past wasn't so great, my present inspiring. The future can only be brighter.


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Date:2007-05-20 23:25
Subject:A Bit of Nostalgia
Mood: blah

Lattice, originally uploaded by babymowgli16.


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Date:2007-01-16 23:55
Subject:Houghton Prof DUI?

I heard a rumor that a Houghton prof was caught drunk driving and is losing his/her tenure. Can't seem to find any details, though. Anyone know anything about this?

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Date:2007-01-11 16:07
Subject:food's going hungry
Mood: shitty

i've been working at a college textbook store since sometime last november. due to certain chickens coming home to roost, i'm going to have to abandon my position and find a job what pays at least $11/hour.

this morning at work i came across an internet order for an introduction to psychology book. then i look to whom it's addressed. i start seeing things like "Willard Ave." and "CPO Box" and "14744" and i felt the need to do something for this houghton hopeful.

"Dearest Eric Stevenson,

Believing that much social dancing is unnecessarily sensuous and erotic, we agree not to engage in social dancing as a part of our community or under our sponsorship.

David Pipher

P.S. Please find enclosed Aerosmith's autobiography: Walk This Way at no additional charge."

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Date:2006-07-06 19:23
Subject:From the Ball-Room to Hell
Mood: amused

Sure to delight fans of Stephen Paine's seminal work on "Why I Do Not Attend Motion-Picture Houses", I give you "From the Ball-Room to Hell". This engaging read details, in full 19th-century popular theology fire-and-brimestone thunder, how the vile waltz leads to drunkeness, prostitution, abortion, and death! An alarming wake-up call to society as to the desperate need to protect weak-minded young women from having their sole reason for being, their virtue, stolen by professional male ball-room predators! A must-read for the whole family!


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Date:2006-06-11 16:40
Subject:hey houghton

the first installment of the mere christianity discussion has been posted. if you've read the book, you should opine. if you haven't, i'm transcribing the entire thing as we go. so you can read it. and then opine.


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Date:2006-05-04 22:00
Subject:It's donation letter time again!
Mood: angry

Read more...Collapse )

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Date:2006-04-29 00:36
Subject:Mother Fucking Cock Sucking Son of a Bitching Bastards!
Mood: irrate

"Dear Friends,

It is my deep regret to inform you that the Board of Trustees have issued their decision regarding Dr. Beach in favor of the administration. He will not be reinstated for the 2006-2007 academic year. A campus-wide email should be sent within the next hour. Copies of the decision are available for your examination in the SGA office in the basement of the Campus Center.

Needless to say, we're very disappointed with the decision. I am supposed to use this email to craft a positive student response from you; however, I am not going to claim to be happy or supportive of the decision. It is, in my humble opinion, a travesty. Some may believe that a careful reading of the decision reveals a number of hilarious sentences that mask administrative incompetence and neglect. However, in the next 24 hours, please make a valiant attempt to be civil.

A student response may be forthcoming. Feel free to forward this email. Until then, I am deeply sorry to inform you of our loss. Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.


William Airhart (on behalf of the SGA and Save The Beach)"

Positive student response? What the fuck are they smoking? This is bad for student moral and even worse for the faculty.

I have officially lost all hope and trust in Houghton's Administration. It's damn good thing we are getting a new one next year instead of the self-serving bastards we have now.

I'm ready to fucking riot! Seriously. Fuck the Man.


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Date:2006-04-13 21:43

Hey kids, Buffalo just isn't cutting it for me anymore. I need to get somewhere else... someplace without so many memories, and that also has good things like an economy and a job market that doesn't consist of entry-level retail. I'm pretty much clueless as to where to go, anywhere north of the Mason-Dixon is viable right now... so if anyone has any gems of insight as to happening cities/regions, it'd be much appreciated.

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Date:2006-03-30 23:20

Hey, so there was a campus wide e-mail asking for t-shirt designs, and I thought you might be interested in my ideas: http://www.thecapitalistyouth.com/miscellanyshirt.html Maybe we could get a petition going or something...

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Date:2006-03-30 02:31
Subject:OMG decency in the Office of Advancement!!??
Mood: bored

Got my "Drop in the Bucket" call today. I politely informed the caller that, due to my feelings on the Dr. Beach issue, I would not be giving any money to Houghton. They said that, in all honesty, they totally agreed and we said goodbye.

I was very impressed.

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Date:2006-03-28 16:58

so i seriously just got bitched out because i said i didn't want to give money to the houghton fund. i'm sorry but that is the most unprofessional thing ever, when someone declines to make a donation you say something polite like thanks anyway and let them go on their way. you DO NOT start yelling at them in the middle of the campus center. fuck you houghton.

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Date:2006-03-06 23:50
Subject:I'm new, but I'm old....

I'm new to this community, but from the looks of things, I'm quite a bit older than you guys. I was supposed to graduate in '94, but took some time off and changed my major in my senior year (smart, I know!), so I didn't graduate until '97.

The rest is about as long and exciting as Chapel on a Tuesday!Collapse )

Yeah, I'm a tad disgruntled when it comes to Houghton. I am so happy that my law school, Stetson, truly does what Houghton professes they do; they treat people right. It isn't even a Christian school! (GASP!)

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Date:2006-03-06 09:43
Subject:Why Beer is Better than Religion

"No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
Beer has never caused a major war.
They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.
You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
You can prove you have a Beer.
If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop."


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Date:2006-02-27 18:34
Subject:*Evil Grin*
Mood: amused

He he, someone at Houghton was actually stupid enough to send me one of those "pretty please give us more money!" letters.

This is going to be fun.

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Date:2006-02-22 10:15
Subject:Letter From Adam to College Republicans
Mood: amused

My fellow Republicans,

I'm sure by now you've seen the pink flyers, and I can inform you that my inbox has been full of people with kind, well-thought-out messages like, "You got served," and others like that. I've had smug superiority complexes from Inti Martinez and his cronies. My emasculated article in the Star (and the real version which has apparently been leaked to the public as well via the Star) has drawn fire more fitting if I made a practice of submerging crucifixes in urine. Then again, the art department might support me if I did, whereas now they don't. I laughed when I saw the signatures on the flyer: Houghton Coalition For Truth???? Where the devil have they been the last four years? As for ESA and Ted Murphy, they were angry at me freshman year for supporting the war in Iraq while they were trying to garner student support for a protest. I thought they just liked protesting. Apparently not. My article has been debunked as being "more damaging than constructive and more false than true." Yet a careful reading both of my position and the position of the Kill-Carman-Slowly party reveals that there is more semantics than substance and more political position than problem. Having neither the time nor the desire to engage in petty backfiring with a crowd that has way too much time on its hands, I will simply mention the most obvious.

First, I am informed that Hugo Chavez is a democratically-elected president. I am not sure how this is supposed to change my opinion of him at all. I had an email as well that said, "Venezuela supports Chavez," the clear implication being I have to as well. The problem seems to be that I referred to Chavez as a dictator, and also that I don't agree with him. Strangely enough, the United States also has a democratically-elected President but that hasn't saved him, even in the pages of the Star, from being called a dictator and criticized roundly. In the interest of more clarity, however, I will now use a term that I found in the New York Times: Chavez is a despotic populist.

I would like it noted that I excoriated the call by Pat Roberts for Chavez's assassination, and have almost as much contempt for Roberts as I do for Chavez.

It is claimed that Chavez never said he would be Bush's worst nightmare and that I got my presidents mixed up, confusing him with Morales. This turns out to be slightly true, but the article I read on AOL news (which gets its stories from CNN) a few months ago attributed the quote to Chavez. If it is a mistake, it was a mistake even the mainstream media made. Besides which, world leaders tend to copy each other, so who is to know who said it first? If it was wrong, however, it was an honest mistake.

But as for Chavez not aligning himself with the enemies of the United States, a major Australian newspaper announced just Monday that Chavez has become the latest government to publicly declare its support for Iran's nuclear program. Yes, the same Iran that even France is willing to go to war with to disarm! I am scolded for supporting gas companies that drill in the Middle East, yet it would seem that supporting Chavez is just another back channel for supporting America's enemies. If you want to run your car on dirt, be my guest, and then maybe we can stop being dependent at all on people who hate us. I certainly support the idea of renewable energy, and I also support while we wait for science to get there drilling in the Arctic Circle to reduce American dependence on the Middle East. Yet if I were to suggest any realistic new way to lessen our dependence on foreign oil, the same people who signed the flyer would jump down my throat and claim that my ideas would starve the poor Arabs in the Middle East.

I am attacked for giving an actual price difference between Citgo and Mobil. I do acknowledge that I was wrong, but I was actually right when I wrote the article. It just took two weeks to get in the Star and prices came down everywhere. It's still cheaper at other stations but the prices are more manageable. Nevertheless I admit that I was careless to give a definite price when we all know gas prices fluctuate. Rookie mistake, but it hardly merits the crucifixion I've received over it.

The Mini Mart does not have competition, not here in Houghton. The Coalition for Truth might want to check their maps again. As for the idea that the other one, wherever it is, sells beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, my reply is that I have no problem with what the Mini Mart sells inside. My petition is aimed solely at the Citgo, not at the owners. I am further not interested in running the place out of business--I am simply interested in seeing a change in suppliers.

Finally, and I mean finally, the flyer declares, "Carman gave no indication of respectfully discussing the proposed public protest and boycott with the gas station managers." Actually, I did but they were probably too busy seething with self-righteous rage to notice. That's a petition--a respectful presentation of a requested change addressed to the people who can make the decision. I certainly would never lead a boycott and public protest of a business without giving them time to consider the problems.

In conclusion, my fellow Republicans, I am sorry that you have to put up with this catfight over technicalities and personalities. I've been requested, with the inclusion of some thinly-veiled threats, to withdraw the petition. I am unwilling to do so. I do not ride the success of the project on whether or not the gas station actually changes. The real success will come when the other side sees that regardless of their campaign of defamation to a fellow student, I present my request, backed by hopefully a number of you and anyone else you and I can convince, to the gas station. If we can do that, my friends, then we've won, even if Citgo remains a Citgo for the rest of time.

All the best,

Adam Carman
President, Houghton College Republicans.

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Date:2006-02-20 23:59
Subject:Carmelized Nuts
Mood: amused

For everyone wondering what the latest brouha is about, here's the original, unedited version of the "article" Adam Carman submitted proposing a boycott of the Houghton Citgo.

blah blah blah I have Dubya's scrotum for a brain blah blah blahCollapse )

Please note: this document was obtained from a publically-accessible computer (presumably Adam's) on the Houghton network. No Star staff participated in passing this on.

Oh, and I, for one, would happily give Chavez a cookie if he made himself into Dumbya's "worst nightmare".

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Date:2006-02-20 17:32
Subject:citgo article

Some of you may have read or heard about the front page article in the most recent Star.  It was an attack on the Citgo station encouraging the signing of a petition and a boycott to follow if they didn't switch to Mobil.  The article was written by one Adam Carman who has in the past been affectionately referred to as "Houghton's resident neo-con".  The following is from a distributed flyer in response to his article:the factsCollapse )

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Date:2006-02-15 13:20
Subject:Red Cross Blood Drive

This is a long shot, but I've been doing research for my Advertising class and I was wondering if anyone on here had any knowledge about the last blood drive's statistics (for example, how many units were given, the number of participants/number of people who signed up, etc.). If nobody on here has the info, that's okay- the SGA should still have some numbers.
Thanks a bunch :)

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